Big Stax Max Returns as Halos Get Good Again

The Angels did it all in San Francisco tonight, and you cannot convince me it isn’t because of one man. Some outside the know might point to Andrew Heaney, Anthony Rendon, a shift in approach, or even just luck, but every single person with anything more than a passing interest in the team knows that the return of Max Stassi brought the boys’ groove back.

Stassi was masterful behind the plate tonight, purposefully crafting Andrew Heaney into the god we all know he can be made to look to be. He called a freaking GAME out there, pulled pitches in the zone, and kept batters off-balance through the lefty that suddenly pitched deep into the game and looked like an actual guy.

Of course, the confidence that Massive Stassi instilled in Andrew went a long way toward kickstarting the Halo offense. Max grounded out in the third to make sure his battery partner would have a real show and then smacked a single to opposite field vicariously through Heandog to begin a rally.

With Andy basically pinch running for our protagonist, David Fletcher and Justin Upton took two consecutive bases on balls when Alex Wood couldn’t stand the heat of Stassi’s glare. Oracle Park must have been absolutely steaming at that point, because he then threw wild and surrendered a two-run single to Anthony Rendon, putting the game firmly out of reach.

Don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking that we were at Maximum capStassity(???) in the run department yet though, because the man with the plan himself came up to bat in the following inning with a booming RBI double off the wall in right before Tony Two-Bags drove in another three runs.

At some point, the Giants did something or whatever. Big Mac is a real sadist for giving Bay Area fans the slightest glimmer of hope before wrenching it back with glee. The Angels won 8-1, but most importantly, the fans won tonight. Because Max Stassi has returned, baby, and the rest of baseball doesn’t stand a freaking chance anymore.