Arte Moreno. He’s not great. Who would you rather have had to live with since 2000?
Oh Arte. It can be hard living with a guy with such awkward social skills in your life. He’s like that guy you live with for a little while who keeps puking in the shower and it annoys you so much that you lose perspective on other things he does, like putting forks away in the slot you think spoons should live in. Eventually you hate the guy cause he breaths wrong.
Then he moves out and you realize that, while the shower barf was a really real problem, everything else was not really hurting you. You realize this because you keep waking up to see your new housemate standing in your open door watching you sleep. And you keep being pretty sure you locked that door….
Arte has some real issues. We’ve been over them 1000 1000 times. But he’s not a housemate. He owns the house. In fact, he owns the whole street. We can live in it or move out. At one point it looked like Arte may sell the place, but apparently he loves the neighborhood and rental income.
So, now that I have lived in Arte’s house for a good long while and it looks like I’m stuck with him, maybe I should take a calm inventory of my situation over the last twenty odd years before I move into my car. How much better off is the next guy really? Should my heart be clogged with envy? Let’s see.
I am using this link here to look at who has the most wins in the MLB since 2000. I am not trying to parse out details here. I don’t care about WHEN these wins happened or who owned the teams at various points. Just who has had a sip at the cup of victory most often these 22 years, cause a winning night is a fun night.
I am also a firm believer in the idea that just about any team can win a title if they can make the playoffs. Here’s a link to every MLB teams playoff record since 2000. If your hearts gonna go to mush every time your guys don’t win the World Series you deserve a life of misery. It’s too much of a crap shoot. But October baseball is great fun and everyone but Mariners fans should enjoy it sometimes.
Then there’s the arbitrary stuff. What would I personally, with all the magnificent wisdom and bronzed American mannishness I embody, have preferred to get stuck rooting for from 2000-2022? This is more of a neighborhood vibe thing than just picking the winningest team. What are a team’s fans like? Who are some of the players I would have had around to root for? Are they better than what I have here? Do I hate the city a team is based in? Do the Dutch have a team? Stadiums may even matter to some of us, though I am playing like I can just magically appear at games, I don’t have to drive 2000 miles. Or maybe you’ve got a broadcaster you love? Who knows? But these things are factors that keep us all from just being Yankees fans.
Finally, obviously, I have to NOT account for the fact that I am a lifelong Angels fan from SoCal. I have to dispassionately rank the Angels accordingly….
So, The top winners in this period are:
The Yankees (2110)
The Dodgers (2041)
The Cardinals (2025)
The Red Sox (1986)
The Braves (1959)
The A’s (1911)
The Angels (1898)
The Giants (1893)
The Guardians (1878)
The Astros (1851)
The top Playoff appearances in this period are:
The Yankees (19)
The Cardinals (16)
The Dodgers (14)
The Braves (14)
The Red Sox (11)
The A’s (11)
The Astros (10)
The Twins (9)
The Rays, Indians, Giants, Cubs (8)
The top Post Season Win % in this period are:
The Yankees (58.3)
The Cardinals (55.9
The Dodgers (56.3
The Red Sox (54.8)
The Braves (54.1)
The A’s (52.8)
The Angels (52.4)
The Giants (52.3)
The Indians (51.8)
The Astros (51.1)
The saddest teams in baseball are:
Blue Jays (4)
Mets, White Sox, Rangers, D-Backs, Nationals, Tigers (5)
Now for some arbitrary personal stuff:
When I factor in a bunch of personal stuff like regions of the country I like, fanbases that annoy me or who I feel like I’d enjoy being part of , team’s history and all time players I’d have to hear about all the time, who my favorite players over the last 20 years have been, disgraceful crap a team’s been involved with. Some of this matters very little, some more. I guess these would be my favorite teams sans win loss record….
Angels…. and then a pile of Reds, Pirates, Cardinals, Padres, White Sox, Tigers, Rays, Braves and A’s teams. Padres, A’s and Cardinals fans seem to have a great time, I love the Reds, Braves, Cardinals and Pirates past heroes and history, and so on. I also know I can’t be a Dodgers, Yankees or Red Sox fan because I’m not a piece of crap.
Honestly, even if I hadn’t been raised an Angels fan, the team would likely be up there on my list. The 2002 team was right up my ally, I loved Vlad before he was an Angel, same with Torii and Simmons. Trout would likely be one of my top 3 players I root for… history meh, stadium’s fine, fanbase is dinner roll bland, they tend to play teams I hate in the post season, current uniforms and stuff are crap that I don’t wear (I did get a city connect hat from my dad for my birthday, which I like and old school stuff is cool). Yeah, I’d dig the Angels.
But where do the Angels rank for me if I were told to just pick a team today having had no relationship with a team before? Well, here are some neighborhoods I’d look at if shopping for a home….
NOPE, TOO GHETTO: Other than the Reds, Pirates and Padres that entire list of sad teams that rarely made the playoffs. Sure, that one Royals team was fun, or Cutch, or Gwynn…. but generally I’m OK with these teams doing well but don’t care if they win or lose. I don’t need a beach right outside, but I don’t want to live in hopeless squalor either.
NOPE, TOO VERMONT: Vermont is a beautiful state. I have met some nice folks from Vermont. I don’t ever want to live there and I don’t ever want to be a “Vermont Person”. They aren’t bad, just not my thing. Teams like the Brewers, Cubs, Nationals, Mets, Giants and D-Bags. They are there. They are fine. Some people love them. Just not me.
IF THE UNIVERSE DESTROYED THIS PLACE I”D BE SAD BUT I’D GET OVER IT: Mariners, Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers. I was gonna put the Rangers on here too, but I’m not sure how much they’d bug me if it weren’t for the Angels. They’d likely be like the Diamondbacks to me.
I’d likely look in these neighborhoods: Enough fun, not too pretentious, nice area, not a ghetto, some drawbacks, but it would have been a good 22 years…
The Braves, Phillies, Cardinals, Twins, A’s, Indians, Astros, Tigers
So. If I could pick my team from 2000-2022 from scratch who would it be? Behold my personal ranking….
- White Sox
- Blue Jays
- Red Sox
So in the end, for me personally, it was a mix of whether or not my team got it’s day in the sun every now and again, which seems to be all I care about when it comes to ownership, and other personal variables. The one exception is the Twins. I hated Carl Poldad so a lot of those years would have pissed me off as a Twins fan.
Annoyances were a factor though. Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey Jr, Jeetah… these are all players that bugged me long term. There are fanbases I hate because they’re dicks, not just because Angels. Team history was important. The A’s would have been higher, as would the Rays and Twins, but I think I’d be bummed out watching my favorite players always leave…. accept the shell of Maur. “Black eyes and disgraces” didn’t mean anything to me once I really considered a lot of these teams. Everyone poops it turns out.
But, there it is. If I had to be stuck with a team to root for for the last 22 seasons, independent of personal loyalty, it would likely be the Cardinals. But the Angels are 6th out of 30. For those of you around here who seem to need a lot of help with facts, that means there are 24 teams I’d put behind Arte and the Angels this millennium.
Who would you want to get stuck with if personal loyalty, where you grew up, etc. didn’t matter? Why? This kind of matters because, in the age of the internet and jets, this is likely how a lot of fanbases will grow in the future.
Photo credit: Rex Fregosi