In honor of the Houston Astros (non) apology tour this morning, I’d like to revive an old Halos Heaven tradition started by Rev Halofan some years back and offer songs that fit the moment.
Despite vigorous denials, fan conspiracies have grown that – in addition to trashcan bangs and tech-assisted sign stealing – certain Houston Astros benefited from being telegraphed pitches via small buzzers hidden underneath their jerseys. These conspiracies have been ballasted by inexplicable photo evidence shadowing key Jose Altuve moments.
We’ll leave the veracity of these fan theories to you to adjudicate, but as you contemplate, let me offer a soundtrack to your study session. This one goes back to 1978, and is one of the first singles by The Cramps, released on IRS Records, and later collected on their 1979 LP Gravest Hits. The single was produced by Alex Chilton of Big Star fame, and I used to play this in cover-bands when I was 14-years-old in the 80s, playing keg parties in the San Joaquin Valley. It was always a stomper.
It features the unstoppable Lux Interior singing:
“I’m a human fly
I spell (it) F-L-Y
I say buzz buzz buzz
and it’s just because––”
Well, wouldn’t it be the perfect walk-up song for the diminutive leader of those garbage-can-circling dirty-cheat ‘Stros? Buzz Buzz Buzz, baby.
It’s time to face the music.
Your cheatin’ heart, by Hank Williams works. No doubt Altuve along with Bergman, Springer and Correa have cheating hearts.
They got a new mascot starting this season
Cramps are okay, but how about DKs Police Truck? 😐
Never could quite get with Jello’s voice, to be honest. And while bracing, doesn’t carry the ‘buzz’ factor I was hunting for here.
Meanwhile, Lux Interior’s ritually falling-down-pants feels like the appropriate symbol for Houston’s PR strategy these days.