2020 Memes and Newbie Guide (written by Red Floyd)

Good day, and welcome to Halos Heaven!!!

First, let me remind everyone to read theĀ Community Guidelines. Then, readĀ The LORE of the PANTHER. Learn it, know it love it.

Now, because I have a lot of chores to do around the house, plus watching the Halos trash the Doyers, I’m going to skimp a bit and rely on our other veterans to assist in the comments section. But I will give some info…

We have a lot of in-jokes and memes here, so I’ll start with the positive ones and add the negative ones if any further on.

  • Mike Trout is aweome. He is the GOAT. And he’s all ours for essentially the rest of his career.
  • That said, Mike Trout is fat. He’d be a great player if he wasn’t so fat. This comes from his second season, when he bulked up and put on a ton of muscle.
  • GA (Garret Anderson) was lazy. In fact, his name has become a synonym for being lazy. He really wasn’t lazy, and I’d explain why, but I’m too GA to do it right now.
  • ryanfea is physically unable to catch a foul ball. Under any circumstances.
  • I, on the other hand, am old and crotchety, and cannot abide youngsters on my lawn.
  • Designerguy enjoys a pants-optional lifestyle. Do NOT stand downwind from him.
  • As old as we may be, we are extremely manly. Evidence is here:

  • And, of course, our Fearless former leader (screw you Olbermann), Rev Halofan!
  • Blazing Saddles (and pretty much ANY Mel Brooks) references are ALWAYS appropriate.
      • As are most Zoolander references,
      • And Monty Python references
      • Even if certain youngsters disagree
  • We are also a #cesspool. Keith Olbermann told us so during the Josh Hamilton fiasco.
  • We have an unhealthy fascination with the potential availability of Curtis Granderson. This happened about 7-8 years ago or so when he was a free agent, and it seemed that every other post or comment noted that he was available.
  • The problem is that if we signed him, we’d be out on Wilson (C.J. Wilson). And his contract would have been 4/58 (which was Buehrle’s contract).
  • I’m not even going to discuss Albert’s contract.
  • Jeff Mathis is a Premium catcher. And he’s athletic. Did you know that he could have been a QB in college?
  • Then there’s all the long lost posters (both good and troll)… again, I’m to GA to mention them all, so I’ll let you guys do it.

Then there are the nicknames. I’ll post a few and let the rest of you vets post the rest. Remember, ONLY NICKNAMES THAT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN USED ON THIS SITE. Not the ones that you want to push. Nicknames arise organically out of gamethreads, fanposts, etc…

  • Mike Trout: Trouty, GOAT
  • Andrelton Simmons: Simba
  • Jered Weaver: WTY, Dream Weaver, Weave
  • Kole Calhoun: Kalhum, The Red Baron
  • Jeff Mathis: Premium, Dadgum
  • Mike Scioscia: Soth (the typo that wouldn’t die), Fatorce
  • Albert Pujols: Grandpa, Albertross

Well, since the game is still on, and I still have 15 schnitzengruben to eat, I’m gonna sign off here.
You can always ask a vet what any jokes mean. They may not tell you, but you can ask…